My wife threatens me with divorce every time we argue. This persons self-centered behavior, combined with their immaturity and lack of self-restraint, will likely lead to all kinds of marriage problems. The girlfriend of a married narcissist will hear a myriad of excuses for why he hasn't gone through with a divorce, all based around plausible deniability. The only thing that makes him happy is for him to see me as busy as him. He creates insecure stories and make them be all about me???? He was married for 35 yrs. That look on your husband's angry face, when the two of you . Good luck to you. It is my goal to read them in the next few days. We were suppose to have that honeymoon phase after being married and instead we got the Beverly hillbillies with out all the oil and money. Many of them tell me that they keep making these threats because they are trying to get their wife's attention. Threats of divorce can be scary and confusing. Threatening divorce is not the way to deal with issues in the marriage. I am tired of hearing other men are better than I am and that she regrets marrying me. He learned this strategy early in childhood, often from a harsh and abusive or guilt-inducing . So get a coach, and in the meantime download my free Roadmap so you can stop feeling hopeless, hurt and scared and start feeling safe, taken care of and desired. At some point, you may realize that this person is all bark and no bite, but the emotional damage in the meantime can certainly destroy a marriage. My Boaz (bible character) is coming because I trust and believe in Jesus. I am not sure what to think, do or feel anymore. But another month goes by and hes gone again. Finally after me breaking up so much he broke up with me for good for 6 months always coming back every two -6 weeks. Any argument happens he threatens me and then a few days later he is fine. This sounds like I need it in my life. Any apology I receive, which is rare to begin with, requires that I also apologize even if I did nothing but share my feelings. I know you want to be a happy wife in a peaceful, playful, passionate marriage but first, you have to fix this issue. I am reading and have been in a similar situation. Even more important, is the fact that if someone is constantly threatening to divorce you, eventually you may be compelled to take him or her up on the offer. Its so unfair to use a child as leverage. A week ago my husband uttered those horrid words we cant live like this anymore Im done trying this is after in Jan he had already told me that he wasnt in love with me anymore (how I wish I had found your books back then). He says some of the ugliest things and for the most part none of them are truths. It is a classic narcissistic move to completely cut ties with . Threats do not facilitate trust and intimacy. For example, he didn't tell me about an important company dinner until 3 hours before the dinner. Ill give you the tools in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. If youre anything like I was, it will be challenging to figure out what you like to do. And no, this doesnt make it any more right. He will not allow me to get close to him at all. Reason #3: They are doing something they shouldnt be doing like having an affair or an intimate friendship with another woman or man and they want to keep doing it. Your email address will not be published. I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. Hope you fill like a big woman. But believe me the game is over. Im a firm believer in wedding vows however, sometimes your mental health takes precedence. Especially in your daughters eyes. She and her husband, Dirk, though living under the same roof, had been carrying on separate lives for several years. A wise wife will walk with him through this, realizing his addiction has nothing to do with her value or attractiveness. He and I knew each other when we were teenagers. If he has truly changed he will be more than willing to live by the boundaries you set and to learn new relationship skills. I will sweep, wash baseboards, dust the furniture, etc., clean sinks in bathrooms and clean the rest of the house when I see it needs it. Her husband upped the bait by attacking her and saying that it was on Emma if their daughter had to repeat the sixth grade, which felt like huge bait, but she simply said Ouch! And nothing else. So everything that was my fault was him. If you want a better relationship, you have to start with yourself. By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use & Cookies / Privacy Policy. Then he texted pastor at 5pm saying he wanted divorce and if it was a sin for him to sign the papers. He may feel like he's failed as a husband and father. But Im also emotionally abused with children and wish I would have just walked away from that chapel. She was moved by how accountable he was. Visitors who want to watch in a . This will just continue if I keep letting him come back to me. Im shocked so many marriages have the issue of a spouse calling divorce multiple times. Im also a Christian and dealing with severe emotional instability, some kind of personality disorder with my spouse. BUT I cant just give up. A true Christian does not act and treat his wife like he does. When other avenues of communication don't seem to be working, you may resort to using a threat. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Your story could be mine!! I finally called his bluff and took my rings off and set them in a dish on the coffee table. (Married for 7 years, together for 10, 3 children. But with the threat of divorce every 2 to 3 weeks Im at my breaking point idk what do do anymore a part of me wants to just end it and the other part of me wants to stick it out but these threats are narcissistic and manipulative behaviour its got to stop! But he continues to do it so maybe he doesnt love me. He will do the same to your children. Something is not normal. In 95% of the cases, the divorce was never started but the narcissist can keep an affair dragging on for years and years simply by saying that it has and giving periodic bogus updates. I have been with my fianc for 7 years now. Probe fulfills this mission through our Mind Games conferences for youth and adults, our 3 1/2 minute daily radio program, and our extensive web site at Probe.org. All the time. I plan to go ahead with the divorce but I cant help but wonder why someone would cry divorce so often if that isnt what they really want. 6 years in 5 months into the marriage yes we are newly weds my husband starts (picks) the fights and of course if or when i defend myself he says Im running my mouth and hes sick of my BS and threatens Divorce i do love him which is why its so hard to let go we do have a daughter together and i have 2 from a previous marriage i really dont want another broken family i really want to have a happy marriage! I am standing for YOUR vision for your marriage! When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. There is nothing worse than to over invest into a lost cause. My wife does this all the time. I have a nursing one year old and I feel like another child to look after as well and nothing works and I dont know what to do.. Nicole, this sounds overwhelming and so frustrating. Ive been living away from my wife for over an year now .. I placed my trust in a man disguised as a minister. Maybe he will dig in deeper, but you are entitled to feel safe and loved. Well, there is no more room under the rug, and Im emotionally taxed. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. I just dont know if I can forgive and move on. Nobody wants to be a prisoner in their own home. Youll get the hang of it and start to feel amazing in no time. If you do want to save your marriage, Id love to send you some resources if you opt in to my emails. He also works a part time job helping a former boss 2-3 early mornings a week and when he is not working outside of the home he feels he must be doing something working in the house and does nothing for himself. You can register for free at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/. Please help me. He will have the opportunity to learn new skills and you will have the opportunity to learn how to set boundaries and hold his feet to the fire when it comes to using better relationship skills. We are about to get married in a month and at this point I dont know what I can and cant say that wont set him off. Please help. Real love is selfless. It is too bad that he didnt learn, somewhere down the line that threatening to withhold love does not fix relationship problems. then divorce after he cheated on his wife. Once you are reasonably certain of why your spouse is doing it, you can decide the best way to respond. Im at a loss. Hi Megan, Usually at the end of a 30 minute rant in front of the kids running me down & telling me what a loser I am. What To Do When Your Spouse Constantly Threatens Divorce: 6 Reasons I Believe The Divorce Rate Is So High, Why Children Come First in a Blended Family, 9 Reasons Women are Happier After Divorce, 5 Reasons Second and Third Marriages Fail, How to Handle Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis. For 7 years he would threaten to leave me whenever we fought. And of course it never happens and Im over it. He blames you for the problems in your relationship. I bought them for a reason. When people see us as a couple they say yall been together forever and such a good couple and the whole time, I am mentally tired and deeply upset with what I am getting from my husband during his what I call pyschotic episodes. I try hard using your principles and then I blow it as my emotions get the better of me, which is what happened yesterday, when I harassed him and was very disparaging to him about her. I am desperately trying to keep my marriage and our family together (we have a beautiful 2 year old). Incredible article. The problem with this line of thinking is that it creates quite a bit of insecurity in a marriage. If your spouse is threatening divorce, they might be trying to manipulate you into doing what they want or attempting to get the upper hand. When I was introduced to John, and his wife Kim they were on the path to divorce. You have thoughts like: Why does it always come down to this? Then comes the threatening of d. My plan is just to cope. But, it has caused a lot damage to our relationship. Will using ur techniques and coaching help in this case? I have been coping with this situation for over 20 yrs and it has gotten the best of my emotions!!!! Megan, holding a marriage together takes some knowledge of how to handle marital problems as they arise. I was making a list of different instances that came up while I was reading your books and Im embarrassed to admit I have about 3 notebook pages full. Just find Christ he will get you out of the darkness and into his marvelous light. The threats of divorce usually include the silent treatment for days, and sometimes longer. At best, these things could be used against you during the divorce proceedings, at worst you could . The impact of divorce on your life is unavoidable. He said he's tired and me and my family and doesn't feel appreciated. This was when she threatened divorce and yelled that our daughter had nothing to do with our relationship and that she was just my daughter. Yes, that perplexed me as well. 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